Confidence vs. Control: The Power of Releasing the Grip
The Collision of Wanting and Doubt
I caught myself gripping again this week.
Not a physical object, but an outcome. I was focused so heavily on making something happen—believing in it, chasing it—that I started to white-knuckle the process. It wasn’t a lack of skill, but a collision of intense wanting and quiet doubt. Beneath the drive was the nagging question: “Will this actually happen for me?”
I realized I was trying to force a result through sheer willpower, forgetting that you can’t receive anything with clenched fists.
Confidence vs. Control
I recently read a reflection in The Assist about the gap between our “home selves”—where we are independent, grounded, and say what we mean—and our “work selves,” where we often shrink or second-guess. There’s a perspective often shared in corporate circles—that confidence is about having all the answers. But I’ve found that true confidence is actually found in the release. When we grip our "professional image," we are acting from catabolic energy. It’s defensive. It’s the "performer" trying to guarantee a result, because we’re afraid our natural self won't be enough to bridge the distance. But when we release the need for external validation, we settle into a different kind of power. True confidence is actually found in the release. It’s the decision to stop performing for the room and start leading from your authentic, centered self.
Knowing Who You Are
In Energy Leadership, we move from the exhaustion of forcing (catabolic) to the integrity of allowing (anabolic). Releasing the grip isn't a sign of weakness or giving up. It’s an act of high-level leadership. It’s trusting your foundation so you can actually see the opportunities in front of you. It creates the Clearing necessary for manifestation to actually occur.
This isn't about wanting your goal any less; it’s about trusting the person doing the work.
When you bring that grounded “home self” into the office, you trade the exhaustion of proving your worth for the power of simply embodying it. You’re no longer managing a version of yourself; you’re inhabiting your own natural authority. It’s not the confidence of knowing exactly what will happen; it’s the confidence of knowing who you are regardless of the outcome.
Practice the release: If you feel yourself gripping today—trying to stay "on edge" to prove your worth—try this:
Notice the Grip: Is it in your jaw? Your inbox? Your need to be right? Where are you white-knuckling a result because you’re afraid your authentic self isn't "enough"?
Acknowledge the Fear: We usually grip because we’re afraid that if we let go, we’ll lose momentum. Acknowledge that the "grip" is your fear trying to protect you.
The 1% Softening: Take one full, breath. Release the tension in your hands, shoulders, etc.. Remind yourself: I don't need to hold the world together to be valuable within it. Everything I want is already on it’s way to me.
Invite the Grounded Self: How would the version of you that is already certain and centered handle this moment?
Your true authority doesn't live in the "grip" of trying to control everything—it lives in your center. The quiet, grounded space you already inhabit when you’re at your most 'you. If you’re tired of the performance and ready for the release, I invite you to join me in the clearing.